Insult jokes

"Nixon inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears... but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." James Reston

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without an address on it?" Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." Billy Wilder

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner, does he really think big emotions come from big words?" Ernest Hemingway, in response

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening... but this wasn't it." Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend the first night, but will attend the second if there is one." Winston Churchill, in response

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." Samuel Johnson

"He had delusions of adequacy." Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard